we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
