im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
