Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
