Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
