im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
