You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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