you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
