Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
