I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
