I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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