I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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