he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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