Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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