you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
