I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize