I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
