If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
