So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The beer is more important than you right now.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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