I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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