apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
