U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
