My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
