Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
