dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
