matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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