So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
