I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it was like eating out sand paper
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
