i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
