dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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