I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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