If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
