So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
