so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
