mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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