You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
