Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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