Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
love makes seman taste better
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
