When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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