I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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