once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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