we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
