dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
