I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
