U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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