i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
