i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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