Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
