My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
