need another drink. this is the easiest way
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
