I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
