Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
