so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
