I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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