Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
