I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
