Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
