Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
