I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
