GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
