Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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