I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
