I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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