remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
