Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My pussy is not your playground.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
