Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
