No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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