i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
