It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
