Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
