HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
