the day after is always just damage control
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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