Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
