I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
