Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
