i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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